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self-consideration - another shy moment

Last post 06-17-2008, 6:35 PM by pattye. 4 replies.
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  •  06-15-2008, 9:28 PM 55527

    self-consideration - another shy moment

    Sometimes when I listen to Ken, as now with MM on supermind, and sometimes apparently randomly, I shrink with shyness or chagrin, maybe with a touch of shame, maybe with humility.

    I wonder again why I find some relatively small detail and tussle with it like a cocky little Jack Russell terrier. Maybe this is part of my process of strengthening myself, learning to take and get a grip, maybe filling in earlyish self capacities that got missed along the way. Maybe, too, it's practicing and working my intellect and in a tusslesome form, since I don't seem to be able to engage certain work from other states.

    Well, maybe I take what I can get. What I can see. What ever avenue or alleyway that seems open, since I must keep moving it seems. The pull of the future and the greater and the numenous extend through my harried density and set me in action and I cannot but ricochet about.

    Not that there aren't moments of merit in my riffs and joustings and accidents of poetic truth, but geesh, what a pathway. I suddenly feel a tightness in my throat and a fullness behind my eyes and I blink. And stoically continue.

    To have to work through my personality and character and im-pressions. 'Compulsions to repeat'.

    In this moment for relief I want to change my metaphors and language to ones that I am familiar with that have more fluidity and openess and opportunity. Attractors and flux and flow. And self-forgiveness. And gratitude that these are broader human experiences and difficulties and though my version be mine, they are generally present in others. Not just me. Exposure to the air and others.

    Ambo Suno
  •  06-16-2008, 10:31 PM 55622 in reply to 55527

    Re: self-consideration - another shy moment

    ambo,

    Listening to Ken today I found my thoughts riding, again, an undercurrent of concern for his physical condition. The effort audible in his vocalizing is both heartbreaking and heartening. Heartening due to courage. It puts me to mind of the line in, who was it, Carl Sandburg?, "...like the painter who said to those near him, when his hand would no longer hold the brush, 'Tie it to my hand!' "

    And so, I find myself instructed on an added level. In light of my peripheral and dim awareness of Ken's struggle, given these records of his continuing to work on our behalf, I pay a little more attention to my own use of these moments, these precious days.

    K


    'takes all kinds.
  •  06-17-2008, 7:27 AM 55659 in reply to 55622

    Re: self-consideration - another shy moment

    Thanks, K, for this perception and reminder - sweet - 'Heartening due to courage. It puts me to mind of the line in, who was it, Carl Sandburg?, "...like the painter who said to those near him, when his hand would no longer hold the brush, 'Tie it to my hand!' "'

    "And so, I find myself instructed on an added level. In light of my peripheral and dim awareness of Ken's struggle, given these records of his continuing to work on our behalf, I pay a little more attention to my own use of these moments, these precious days."

    Yes, ambo

    Ambo Suno
  •  06-17-2008, 6:35 PM 55745 in reply to 55659

    Re: self-consideration - another shy moment

    ambo,   You are a cocky little Jack Russell terrior.!!!!     Sweet!!   PTG
  •  06-17-2008, 6:35 PM 55746 in reply to 55659

    Re: self-consideration - another shy moment

    ambo,   You are a cocky little Jack Russell terrior.!!!!     Sweet!!   PTG
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