Lol methink The Game is the same book max (friend in thailand with me) is frothing over.  last time he met members of the group who were actually in that book in thailand... after reading it.  they say "wha you think of them, shallow guys hey?"  before they admitted their membership.  they were older guys n' took him around showing him the better places here.

sometimes a Dirty fuck is a "good fuck", yes, and feelings complicate the levels right.   sometimes i reckon they come together and synthesize but i have trouble, they are usually here or there and not combined very well.  very hard to fall in love and feel sexually to the same person but i am manage something like this at the moment almost well combined.

if its the same book ..i haven't read it... max said they even recommend the old stand offish im gay kinda attitude, or even actually telling them that you are gay, to get them in the spirit to chase you.. that's not very casinova like (you mean casinova or cagliostro?   both the first celebrities right?  ?)  maybe it is under the veil lol.  yah me tell max girls so horny why bother but i understand the game humorous as it is to put in the level of effort these days makes it more interesting even for the guy.

bleah so there i kiss and told bleah bleagh.  look you come to bangkok there are so many girls who froth over falang (foreigners) just go with one of them don't jump into the first sex store like we did.  that said i am very lucky i believe to have met the girl i did and all the girls i know now who work in bangkok (but i have not been to pay another), the girl is probably the most honest caring woman in the city and i think i just have a intuition guiding me in this shit or am i just a big fucking felang idiot?  atleast you have good reason to be suspiscious of everything, other places you might think you are a jealous male old fashioned etcetera but here it is just a part of relationship to wonder or to even bein some level of surrender to the way of this culture.

we went to nana plaza... second or third day here with max and jake and jakes girlfriend who is thai but he met her in austalia.   just seeing this night none of us planned to do more.  so yeah like the bar you went to maybe, but not topless, they dance on stage...  rather badly, they don't have the ability... to shake their thang like black girls or even white girls. humorous.. one girl come to max, max says he is like he man, and she looks like skeletor.   another girl... hey ive told you all this.  other girl on me is tattooed on the back with a grim reaper looking figure i thought was the mother mary at first.  later in another bar in nana plaza a lady boy tries to take me away from my friends.  i kissed herim on the lip and the neck to be polite of course.  friends laugh n laugh :p.  max kissed on on the cheek.  ah i dont care but after that night i was disgusted by the whole shop-show... we good we good you pay you... handsome man y ou blah the fucking hell who cares anymore i went back to the hotel swearing about how i fucking hate thailand even the accents and seeing their writing was making me sick.

so ive been staying away from that scene, me and max went seperate ways and lost each other a while but we found each other again.  he is with his girlfriend and im with mine and her friends and max is playing soccer with the local lads while im gossiping about the 'system' and girl stuff and try learning about it all, the levels of the feminine conspiracy.  under it i find some of them are good in heart... they make themself look good, under it they want money or whatever, and under that they have good reason to (look after kids or family), others are just pure selfish man killers.   they try to talk to me like im going to fall for it and i end up breaking into their brain and heart and finding their goodness etcetera.  last night she showed me her children and changed from flirtatious bragging on about how she lies to men and seduces and i keep digging for the heart until she is almost crying and maybe that's why im not much of a dirty fucker because i connect to the heart.  i wish i didn't some times but then you see the fakeness of the sex and fake everything and how can you be turned on...

ah whaetver there is good sexuality here.  you get a bit phased, handsome you handsome you handsome fuck next girl gives me a cutesy smile im punching da bitches.  thats how you feel. then sometimes you feel like a dirty animal or just like back in school the girl vs boy vibe still exists. im talking about non protitution sexuality now.  there is plenty of horny girls.  max's girlfriend hmm im worried about max's level of self love and if he is falling for a lie or not.  she works for japanese... yakuza?  how you say how you say!  and he has never actually seen it because he is not one. and myown girlfriend talked to her and found out she does get paid to have sex, max now knows and says to me he thought so anyway and it's ok as long as she chooses them and not the other way.. maxwell and his girl are like a reality show of days of our lives to the locals at the outdoor eating. strange looks turned to laughter now days as the ups and downs just keep up and downing.

we went out together other night in nightlife district, indian girl with black eye... :(  only young, she plays thumb wrestle and i lost and had to pay 100 bt.  but i get 5 roses, and saved some guys girl boyfriend thing from england when i gave him one to give her, gave one to max to give to nim and then nim just took another from me.  she is flirtatious and i wonder how max feels about it.  she is falling into me and even grabbed my dick at one time and when he bought a walking stick for her to give to her mum she said 'love you reuben' twice before turning to max laughing and said she loves him and so... im kind of looking side ways pretending im in another realm.  oh Lol and yeah the kid thing you know paedophilia well not seen much of that but at the nightlife street that night they do use girls to dance and sing to you and one started massaging me and i got up and looked for something else to do very quickly.  hmm just borderline stuff still its quite sick to see how they treat the kids ... you just have to get used to it, you don't pretend it isn't there but you take it after a bit.  although the other night after having a bit of a rage about everything i thought i might just go on a killing spree here and take out every fat mother, brothel owner, gangster bar until they find me and kill me.  maybe i'll still do this but i should be discreet about it.

max however has already been fighting.  he love israel people and met one in a bar where a bunch of english wankers are talking shit to them.  didn't take them long before they'd had enough and max and his new friend (i am with the girls elsewhere lol) broke their jaws and knocked 3 english out, blood on the floors, they didn't get a scratch and they left before the police came.

Vulgan:

You put this into a screenplay and narrate it sub-voce - it will be a killer! A post-modern travel guide.

Let's talk the streets of Buddha-land.

I am thinking about the Hinayana traditions. People have to understand that in the streets of Buddha-land, you run into a lot of people who are absolutely wonderfully helpful and friendly and accomodating and wonderful and you have to remember, where they are coming from is very, very amber cognition, amber self, amber emotions, etc. They see you as a foreign object and they are providing benevolent acts to build their karma. Every smile and every kind act, is coming from a very limited "filling the karmic bank account" motivation. It is charming and wonderful and you think "they love me, and they are enlightened."

It's better than being treated rudely. But do not make the pre-trans fallacy of assuming that everyone is coming from Turquoise.

As for the sex, take away the Judeo-Christian morality constraints, throw in a scrambling scratching mode of economic survival, and the genitals become simply another tool for making the scratch. Add some "karmic good acts deposits in the account" and you get what seems to be nirvana, but what is actually just conventional development playing out. And when it goes bad you'll see what amber looks like. Just like an asshole in El Paso.

i understand where yer coming from but one can tell a culturally karmically polite smile from real laughing giggling outbursts of emotions.   one hopes. :)

'sfar as the you handsom you handsome man... there are the vultures and there are the nice people and there are the genuine horny bitch.  max's girlfriend for instance is tongue hanging out 'frothing' over people on a physical level.

there is this amber... whatever that is i really haven't updated my vocabulary from the last colour scheme and do not plan to but i suppose i will have to if i want to talk shit to you guys but i think wilber out complicated his worth.   yes there is this redemptive retardation compulsivity driving... much of what is the 'good' in this country, and i thank buddha for that!

yesterday i explain to my girlfriend she is richer than i am and i think it upset her because money and love are hard to separate in this country.  they love money!   it is much like america really, the fake.. cheap skates and dirty streets and everything i see on american tv under the celebrity bullshit.  and... maybe they aren't as good at it, but they are learning.  it's just a girl thing too, you find girls in every.. country are on one level looking for a knight in shining (preferably gold) armour.  ah well :)  so really they are wanting a 'real BF' but money is very tied up in their love.  the buddhist thing helps to force them out of their daily greedy woman kind states of mind... it does help.  we went to my girlfriends.. favourite buddhist temple thingo and i went through the rituals.  she doesn't seem to understand what meditation is but she prays and does the submission thing.  she finds her heart is better after spending time and some money on religion and prayer, and it is here her sister liked to go to pray before she... died less than a year ago.  there is real feeling... Ok?  :)

after that day we went to see the turtles and you know what happened.....???  she knows turtles are my 'friends' and that's why she took me, and then one we had an eye on came all the way out of the waters and up to just us.  (soon after the buddhist prayers, blessings)  she observed its shell and had exclaimed "2!  2!"  and a moment later "3!  3! 3!  2!  3!  2!  3!"  pointing back and forth... whaddya know 23 is written on this turtles shell and she thinks this is a sign of good luck and that she will now take out lotto tickets with the number 23.  she asked me to name the turtle, i called him Ninja.  she.. wrote her name on the shell with a razor so that when she comes back it will come to her again and she'll recognize him.

before i came to bangkok i went to the casino for the first time experience and bet on 23, won $230 and my cousin and uncle were impressed.  later that night i found my cousin staring into the clock..... said he is waiting for 23:23 before he went to sleep that night.

yah so im coping and hanging back a bit while max goes up north with girlfriend.  im not keen on the 22 hour bus trip (11 up, 11 down).  plus 1 is 23 ooOooo ;p

im with the girlfriend still and her friends are nice.  im getting really strange dreams and woke up feeling that strange panic of being in such a different place etcetera that i'd been waiting for but it subsided as i wrote to my journal and woke up some more.  i comforted myself with the thought of home, i haven't been too homesick but now i am letting myself feel something like it.  vassana (gf) is surprised by my cooking skillz ;)  i cooked yesterday.  finally had enough and bought my own bowls knifes forks etcetera, no offense to her because she cooks better than me but now she knows the level of ocd er..vegetarianism she is dealing with atleast.  things are different here! they are very warm friendhips and i was a little surprised to have her friends just come in at 6 am and one of them crashes on the bed with us but i went back to sleep and more weird dreams.  yesterday i bought a flick knife with a torch attached so i can walk down those dark alleys by myself, and stab people. :)   we went shopping and to have my hair trimmed, the lady started shaving and then laughed alot that she forgot to put the cloth around me and my hair is falling on me and i laugh "thats ok me think thailand that ok" ;)  girlfriend and her friend and i go after to like a royal show kind of alley where you throw darts into balloons and i won a clock i will take back to aus.  i have some other things too.  hopefully i can still fit much cheap piss into my bags before i return. :)  thought i might return early the other day but im satisfied with myself cooking.  :P

have a good one!~ :)

Euro Soccer is the biggest thing happening here in the collective consciousness, other than every time you hear the kings music you gotta freeze or stand up like one of those games you play when yer just a kid Lol.  went to watch The Happening and after the adverts for pepsi and wot not she grabs me by the arm and pulls me into the air, popcorn flying, as the kings propoganda is played on screen and so i got my mobile out to make a sneak peek ill put on youtube mebe.  it happened again in the markets.... the other day she grabs me and i look around and everyone is still like a statue while i hear this music.. playing over the crowd, for the king.  they really do love the king or they think they have to as schalk.. quite wisely would say... and put on the act in superstitious fear.

outside the cinema above the popcorn shop is michaelangelo style religious iconographitti painted onto the walls and obviously christian and i wonder if they realize they are sandbagging themselves. they try to immitate the west and maybe got some of the west religious iconography mixed in like the t shirts.... some of them are for british wankers, basically lording up the british to get the british to buy, they kno what tossers they are and use it, they use everything, but the religious stuff i wonder if they even know or it just gets lost in the whorish way this city takes everything in to appeal to everyone.

yeah i was getting into the cup just the way we could all understand it, whereas other channels are kind of making you feel like an imbecile while everyone else is laughing around one.

'lady boy' is a man that dresses as a woman or even has had surgery here they are quite beautiful and hard to tell the difference without help from someone who hasn't been drinking or a local.  yeah so ive been told by max and all that you have to let them touch you and be nice because it is everywher here and you are just kind of a wanker if you stand off against it too much and it is entertaining really. i was joking about actually going to look for a lady boy lol but i am always telling my girlfriend that i will and keeping her on her toes a bit. :)  some are plain uglay like the transvestites in the west but you know... they are more feminine here in appearance and some are impossible to tell you have to have a guide.

ok... i am lost in mbk the gigantic shopping complex most everything is closed and i hoped the vegetarian restaurant would be open but ah who cares.  i can't find the way out.  fun?  its ok... reminds me of a movie i saw of this man stuck in a shopping centre after closing hours............. looked and looked for food and pepsi for the bottle of sang som a thai drink i am loving and im internetting again because here i found some coca cola.  they love pepsi here, in australia it isn't pepsiwho won the war it is coca cola and pepsi is almost non existent.  what's it like in america? guessing coca cola made santa so coke is pretty big over there right?

well wanted a movie is on at 23:30 and its 23:33 right now so i had better move on hey agh im always late like johnny one shoe.  yes i am dr unk !!!  good.  now i can enjoy being lost and im alrightie about sleeping in a corner too.  hmmm yes i might end up just following people around hoping they are leaving the shop.

i bought Jumper a dvd i can't watch until im in australia because she doesn't have a dvd well i'll  maybe be in another part of thailand tomorrow in a hotel then i might watch it i would like to be outside of bangkok but i am quite naive about how to get out of here.  i bought a ring too it was 2000bt reduced to 1400bt by 'discount' and i reduced it to 1200bt so..... pretty petty money .. hungry stuff to be doing over a tibetan ring of 'om mani padme hum' but fuck its' not even tibet.. whatever!  nothing makes much sense but i like it because of its example of bangkok culture..... madness.  i asked is it sanscrit or thai and it is tibetan.   i might buy a picture of the dalai lama.... friend who is 'lost at sea' from too many magic mushrooms is now onto buddhism and i think..... thatgood idea really because buddhism aint so bad and has levels of penetration.